I have a confession to make.  I’ve been having a food affair.  I didn’t mean for it to happen.  It kind of snuck up on me.  It started with my anxiety of being a stay-at-home dad.  I’d go through a whole day of Ellie not sleeping and then I’d reward myself with some ice cream, or some chocolate covered almonds. But then it started to escalate.  I started wanting anything chocolate, anything sweet.  I’d go through a whole jar of peanut butter in 4 days.  It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized I had a real problem.  It’s time I come clean, it’s time I get this out in the open.  Hi.  My name is Matt, and I’ve been having a food affair.

I eat a healthy breakfast, and I pride myself on making a healthy, tasty dinner.  It’s before and after dinner I can’t control.  I used to have a nice sensible salad for lunch, but then I got lazy.  I started taking Ellie for walks and such during lunch time so I didn’t want to eat lunch at 3:00pm when we got home.  So I’d have a “snack.”  If I was out in the car I’d convince myself to stop for coffee at McDonalds, and while I was there I might as well order a thing or two from the dollar menu.  But then I realized almost every place had a dollar menu.  I’d go to Target in the afternoon to buy cereal for Ellie and depending on my mood for food I might take a different route.  Taco Bell?  McDonalds? Burger King?  The options were unlimited.  I’d try to talk myself out of it the whole way there.  I’d be strong on the way to the store, but on the way back, if I had $1.06 in my pocket, all bets were off.Â

I started putting myself in situations where I knew I’d be able to access horrible food.  If I was meeting a friend in the evening, I’d eat two dinners.  The healthy dinner I made at home, and then a nasty awesome burger once I got to the restaurant. If not a full dinner, at least some appetizers.  Once I was around the bad food I ate it like it was my only opportunity.  Like I’d never see another hamburger for the rest of my life.  I could come up with any reason to need ice cream.  If my wife had a bad day at work I’d play the sweet husband card and I’d ask, “Do you want me to go get you ice cream?”  I would be hoping real bad she would say yes.  I kept saying things like, “if it’d make you feel better, I’ll go…  I don’t mind.”  I think she knew though.  It was no secret.  I had a problem and it was getting worse.

I hit my all-time low about 2 weeks ago.  I was going through the check-out at Target and I was looking at those sale items on the end caps.  You know those cheap Little Debbie cakes that come two in a package?  Well, you could get a whole box of Fall Party Cakes for $1.52!  I didn’t even think about it.  I ate half the box on the way home.  I ate the rest of the box while I was cooking my healthy dinner.  I left one package of cakes for my wife.  “I got you a treat,” I said.  The guilt was too heavy to have eaten the whole box myself.  I didn’t tell her there was a whole box I had eaten… that day!  That evening, I was going insane.  I was out of Little Debbie cakes, we had no ice cream and I needed a fix.  I felt chemically off balance.  I needed sugar!  I walked to the neighbor party store and bought a pack of the Little Debbie Nutty Bars. I ate two that night and stopped myself from eating a third.  Two days after that I was back at Target and I bought ANOTHER Fall Party Cake box.  I felt so guilty I gave a few to my folks, and I made sure I made some available for my wife.  But when she wasn’t eating them after awhile, I made my move.

I figure I need to get this under control before the Holidays officially start. If I don’t do it now, who knows what will happen at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  So it starts here, and it starts now!  Hi. My name is Matt, and I will not let the Fall Party Cakes destroy the light inside me.  I give myself respect to honor my mind, body, and spirit in every way…

Now all we need is some cake to celebrate…  no?

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