With budgets being tight and expenses being high, sometimes you have to get creative with gift giving. I always have a hard time sticking to a budget, but this year I was determined to not go over. And because of that, I had a really hard time deciding on what to get my family for Christmas, especially my brother. After roaming around the mall for a total of 5 hours on two separate trips and coming home empty handed (except for the Mrs. Fields cookies I bought for myself), I realized that sometimes the best gifts aren’t purchased. I decided I would make him a homemade gift. It would literally be the most thoughtful gift ever. The Thought Transfer Helmet!

If you didn’t think I was weird before, you probably will now. My family, mostly me and my dad, are into strange things. You know, things like Area 51, Mothman, ghosts, the alternative theories of what the pyramids are really for, crop circles, Bigfoot, and remote viewing. Things like that. Don’t worry, it’s just for fun. We don’t a have a bunker in the basement in preparation for the upcoming zombie apocalypse or anything like that. We just find it entertaining. Or at least I do. When I worked, if anybody had a good ghost story or questions about UFOs, they came to me. I was that guy.

Anyway, I’m always talking to my brother about the strange things I’ve read or heard on the radio. So it’s really no surprise I would develop this device for him as a gift. Now what is a Thought Transfer Helmet you ask? It’s a device that transfers your thoughts from one person to another, of course. It’s as simple as that! (Scroll down to see product description and manual)

But why gift a Thought Transfer Helmet to my brother, and not my mom? Well, I’m not the only slightly crazy person in my family at Christmas. For example, my brother “wrapped’my mom’s gift mortared in a cinder block, and Aya’s gift was glued and screwed in a homemade 2×4 box he made. We need hammers, chisels, and screw guns to open gifts we receive from him. Therefore his unique style of gift giving made him a perfect candidate for such a unique gift.

My brother is also a high school band director and I really had his students in mind too. I figured, not all of his students are at the same level of proficiency. I figured a device like this could help share and increase the musical knowledge and playing abilities of his students faster resulting in a better musical experience for all parties involved. It’d be the gift that keeps on giving!

So whether if it’s a knitted scarf, crocheted blanket, framed personal photo, or a thought transfer helmet, occasionally the best gifts don’t come from a store. Sometimes, it really is the thought that counts.

THOUGHT TRANSFER HELMET INSTRUCTION MANUAL: MODEL#: TTH-5000-PR

Do you have thoughts you want to share? Could you benefit from someone else’s thoughts or knowledge? If you’ve answered yes to either of these questions, look no further. This is the product for you! The TTH (Thought Transfer Helmet) is designed to share knowledge between people quickly and efficiently resulting in a smarter, more knowledgeable public. The TTH is capable of changing the world and it starts with you. (If you have plans of world domination through mind control, please refer to Model: WDTH-1600-MC)

HOW IT WORKS:

Our brains produce electrical impulses when we think. These impulses build up in our minds and create a surprisingly large amount of electricity that is filled with data (thoughts). The TTH captures these electrical impulses from our brains, filters them, and extracts specific thoughts making them available to be transferred through wires to another mind. But why the antenna if the thoughts travel through wires? The antenna is used for the filtering process. The antenna picks up charged particles from the ionosphere which are then used to filter out all of the standard brain activity you have to maintain normal body functions. For example, you don’t to transfer thoughts of your brain telling your heart to beat or your lungs to breathe, or your bladder saying, “I have to pee.” The filtering process also helps keep your ‘inner monologue’intact and safe. (A wireless model is currently being developed by our expert engineers at the TT laboratories.)

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR EQUIPMENT:

The Thought Transfer Helmet comes complete with two helmets. Helmet labeled “1” is the master helmet. All operating controls are located on helmet “1.” (Earlier prototypes including operating controls on both helmets resulted in memory loss and soul extinction) The master helmet includes two switches, main power, “on” and “off” switch. The secondary switch controls thought transfer mode. Projection mode, or receiver mode. Each helmet has 5 lights. Top red light indicates power. Blue lights indicate master helmet projecting thoughts. Green lights indicate master helmet receiving thoughts.

DIRECTIONS:

Turn main power switch to the “on” position. When the red light is lit on both helmets, power is on and ready for thought transfer. Allow system to be on for at least two minutes before attempting to transfer thoughts. Failure in doing so could cause the system to overheat resulting in lost thoughts or incontinence.

Before you transfer thoughts, it in very important to clear your mind. Both parties involved with the thought transfer should sit with the powered up helmets on, and take a few deep breaths. While doing this, focus on the thought you want to transfer, or clear your mind for the new information you are about to receive. Once ready, the user with helmet “1” will then switch the helmet to either “project” or “receive” mode. Once helmets are in the proper mode, it’s all up to you. Just think. Please allow at least 30 seconds for information to travel to the other user. However, travel times may vary due to the complexity of the thoughts being transferred. Thoughts about theoretical physics will take longer than simple thoughts like, “I like balloons.”

Once thought transmission is over, switch the transfer mode to the neutral position and power down the helmets. DO NOT remove helmets mid thought. If you start to have an OBE (Out of Body Experience), use the emergency shut-off immediately. If your soul successfully leaves your body while using this device, it may never come back.

WARNINGS:

(1) DO NOT consult a physician before operating this machinery. (2) DO NOT use on children ages 12 and under. (3) DO NOT USE on animals except for giant tree squirrels. (4) DO NOT attempt to wear both helmets at the same time on the same person. Misuse and operating in this matter will lead to the users memory being completely erased. (5) Some side effects include but are not limited to: dizziness, shortness of breath, fatigue, constipation, diarrhea, vomiting, chronic headaches, gas, animal sounds, giggle fits, paranoia, intense sweating, temporary blindness, personality intensification, memory theft, complete memory loss, inner monologue language change, loss of appetite, spontaneous human combustion, and feelings of wanting world domination.

DISCLAIMER:

If TTH does not work for you, is means your brain runs on a different network and you will need to purchase an adaptor. Please call our main office to speak with a representative to determine which adaptor will work for your personal body network. The TTH Corporation will not be held legally accountable for any personal injuries or mishaps that occur during use. Use this product at your own risk. Any thoughts actually transferred while using this product are purely coincidental.

OTHER PRODUCTS FROM OUR CATALOG:

Thought Translator Device: Intended for use with infants and toddlers. You’ll never have to guess again what your child is requesting. Dirty diaper? Hungry? The guessing game is over!

International Thought Translator Device: Have complete conversations with foreigners without ever opening your mouth!

THOUGHT PROJECTOR/AMPLIFIER: Want to spread your specific thoughts to the world? Want to amplify your thoughts and project them for the greater good? This is your product.

WORLD DOMINATION MIND CONTROL HELMET: Are you a psychopath out for world domination? Look no further! This device will make your evil plans a reality without the unnecessary expenses and overhead costs of evil henchman. (Mailed in an unmarked discrete package for user to maintain anonymity)

7 thoughts on “IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

  1. I would like to order 10 of the world domination model please… I can write you a check after I take over the world. Great great read I was cracking up the whole time!

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