WHERE’S MY SUNSHINE?

Last week’s nap battles completely drained me.  And even though I technically won and accomplished what I set out to do, I still don’t feel victorious.  After those battles I was expected to be greeted by nice sunny warm spring weather, but instead, it’s just been cold and rainy.  I really thought we were done with winter.  I really thought I was done whining about winter.  We’vehad too many spring fake outs this year, I’m not sure I can handle another.  Wasn’t it just 80 degrees a week or two ago?  What happened?  This was supposed to be my fresh start I was waiting for.  I guess I was wrong…  Sigh…

I proved to be successful at getting Ellie to sleep after the faceoff.  But keeping her asleep has been another story.  Pretty consistently she’ll fall asleep within ten minutes, give or take.  But sometimes she’ll sleep for two hours.  Sometimes for thirty minutes.  Sometimes she’ll poop, sometimes she won’t.  Because of this, I’m finding naptime still carries a lot of anxiety with it.  I’m really trying to see the positive in this situation, but with winter lingering, and lingering, and lingering, and lingering… Ugh…

I couldn’t help but be completely frustrated when she only slept for a half hour today.  I was still trying to enforce “quiet time,” at least.  I’m not sure who it’s quiet for when she whined the entire time.  It’s not crying she did, it was whining.  And she did it lying down with her eyes closed.  It wasn’t even a poop induced whine. (I did the sniff test)  I think it was a bored whine.  “I’m soooo booored…  I’m soo tired…  It’s soo lame outside…  Is it spring yet?…”  And while she’s whining upstairs, I’m whining downstairs to myself.  I’m booored… I’m soo tired… It’s soo lame outside… Is it spring yet? I tried to busy myself in the kitchen to ignore the whines, but it just felt like someone poking me in the neck over and over again.  You just want to keep saying, quit it, quit it, quit it, stoooop!  Come on QUIT IT!  STOP TOUCHING ME!

Somehow, after the designated “quiet time” she perked up.  I didn’t even go in her room to get her, she did it on her own.  She woke up in a good mood and was ready for the rest of the afternoon.  The complete opposite of how she was during “quiet time.”  I on the other hand, had a nervous twitch in my eye from the constant poking.  By mid afternoon, the sun came out and it was fairly warm.  The exact opposite of how it was all morning.  I didn’t know how to feel.  I was mopey all morning about another cold grey day, and almost instantly, it changed.  It was good… I guess.  This was just another fake out, right?  Why get excited when I’ll just get crushed again.  I don’t want to be as bi-polar as the weather is.  If I’m down, at least I’ll be consistent.

I tried being excited about the sun and the warmth, but the thought of being crushed the next day kept me from really embracing it.  I really don’t want to whine anymore.  I really don’t.  With everything going on in the world right now, I know it borders on being disrespectful and ungrateful to complain about the weather and a baby who won’t stay asleep.  I do have a lot to be thankful for and I do truly feel blessed.  So who needs the sun, right?  I realized I have sunshine with me all day long.  And that’s the only sunshine I really need.