Have you ever felt lost? Have you ever sat and stared out the window on a rainy day lost in thought. Or looked at your reflection in a puddle wondering, “who am I?”

I’ve been doing the stay-at-home dad gig for about 4 months now. And to be honest, with the risk of sounding over confident, I’m awesome at it. The house is clean, there is a healthy meal on the table every night, diapers are changed, the baby is happy, fed, and read to. But the longer I’m at home, the more and more I feel like a mom. And the more I ask myself, “who am I?”

For example, my wife has the Oprah 20 year anniversary dvd collection. I VOLUNTARILY watched one of the dvds the other day. Oprah! I watched OPRAH all by myself. Why did I do this? I have no idea! It’s not like I came across it while channel surfing and left it on. I put in the dvd and watched the WHOLE thing! Who am I?

I’ve also started eating mass amounts of chocolate. I’m not a chocolate guy. I like it, but I don’t crave it. I prefer it more on the occasional brownie, or peanut butter Twix. But a few weeks ago, I almost ate two bags of Ghirardelli chocolates in two days! My wife had to take the rest to work because I was raiding her stash. Once those were gone, I found a bag of Hersey kisses and just about devoured those. The remnants were taken away as well. Now we have ice cream in the freezer. You guessed it. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! Topped with chocolate syrup! Who am I?

With all the extra chocolate and ice cream I’ve been eating, I’ve been worried about my weight, too. I have certain T-shirts or pants I wear on days I’m feeling fat. Some call them fat pants. These days are usually after I went on a bender the night before. Ice cream, chips, chocolate, whatever I could find. And yes, I said fat pants! Deal with it! My body image is topsy-turvy right now. What can I say? My emotions are all over the place right now and my best friends are Ben and Jerry. Who am I?

I’ve also been having trouble relating to guys and guy things. I’ve never been a guy’s guy, but it’s even worse now. We had a group of people over the other day for dinner. There I was on the porch, having a beer talking to the guys about horror movies. Yeah, I’m doing this. I’m a guy. I still got it! I was only able to do this after I baked the chicken, prepared the zucchini and put Ellie down for her nap. But still, guys, beer, horror movies. I’m feeling good about this. Then they brought out their new Ipad. They were all excited talking about apps and games and gigabytes. My eyes glazed over and I couldn’t help but feel like I’d rather be in the kitchen talking about babies and weddings with the ladies. Who am I?

My mom has Ellie for the day today. I think I NEED to go grill a steak and watch Die Hard…

On second thought, maybe I’ll just put on my fat pants, get out the chocolate ice cream, park myself on the couch, and watch Oprah.

3 thoughts on “WHO AM I?

  1. definitely…
    i see a writing or stand-up comedy career ahead… either or both…
    let me do a tarot spread on this…
    or would that be considered haram?

  2. agreed with the post above! a writing career definitely. and i truly enjoy the honestly of this post — we've all felt lost before — but just stay true to being comfortable and you, Matt. If some days that's Oprah and ice cream, rock it out! If some days that's steak and Die Hard, ALSO rock it out! 🙂

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