With the year coming to an end, it was time to make a decision.It had been on my mind for a while.I was pretty sure what I wanted to do, what I thought felt right.But I wasn’t sure it was going to work or if it made sense.Our current situation was working really well for us.For our family.Aya really liked going off to work, and I liked staying at home taking care of Ellie.And it turned out I was pretty good at it, too.But would it make sense to keep this arrangement longer?Well, after much thinking and debating, we ended up going with our gut feeling. I’m happy to say that I’m officially changing my status from unemployed, to stay-at-home-dad/homemaker.
A BAG OF CHIPS, A BURGER, AND A DONUT
I declared that I wanted a Day of Lazy. A day jam packed of doing a whole lot of nothing. I had it all planned out. I prepped the crockpot for dinner the night before so I wouldn’t need to cook. I purchased a bag of Lay’s BBQ chips while grocery shopping this week. I dropped Ellie off at my mom’s in the morning. I stopped at Dunkin’Donuts for a sour cream donut, and at Burger King for a Whopper value meal on my way home. All I needed to do was go home and park myself on the couch and hang out with my best friend; NetFlix… and eat… and nap.
I haven’t had a dedicated lazy day in quite a while. The last time I sat on the couch all day and did nothing was when I was sick. Although it was nice to relax, it’s hard to fully enjoy it when you feel like someone is putting a power drill through your skull and your body feels like you’ve been severely beaten with a sack of door knobs. And since I’m not sick now, I’m especially excited about this. There is just something special about drifting off to sleep on the couch with a pile of potato chip crumbs on your shirt.
So I think I’ll start out with a donut, some coffee, and a few History Channel documentaries to get me started. Next I’ll tackle my burger while watching some movie I’m not super excited about because I’ll probably drift off to sleep. After I wake up I’ll start devouring the bag of chips and a movie I really want to see. Out of the 300+ items in my NetFlix instant streaming queue, I think I’ll find something that’ll fit my mood. Maybe a foreign movie, maybe a coming-of-age tale, maybe a Steven Segal movie, or maybe a historic drama. The possibilities are endless. But one thing for sure is that there will be no dirty diapers, no cooking, no fixing bottles, no bribing a baby to take a nap, and no guilt. It’s going to be a good day.
You know, on second thought, I should get one more donut.
Because I deserve it.
SOMETIMES… AND ALWAYS
Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing a good job. Am I reading to her enough? Playing with her enough? Talking to her enough? Teaching her enough? Am I behind on giving her more and interesting foods? Do I take her out enough? Do I take her out too much?Â
Sometimes I’m embarrassed of being a stay-at-home dad that I play it down when I’m talking to people. I’m afraid people will judge me and think I’m a failure in the working world.
Sometimes I wonder if Ellie would be better off with her mom being at home. Is it possible that women are just better at this thing than guys? Am I just trying too hard just to prove that I can do it?  ALL of the coupons and rewards programs for baby products are marketed towards moms. Maybe they’re right. Maybe dads don’t know what they’re doing.Â
FOOD AFFAIR
I have a confession to make. I’ve been having a food affair. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It kind of snuck up on me. It started with my anxiety of being a stay-at-home dad. I’d go through a whole day of Ellie not sleeping and then I’d reward myself with some ice cream, or some chocolate covered almonds. But then it started to escalate. I started wanting anything chocolate, anything sweet. I’d go through a whole jar of peanut butter in 4 days. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized I had a real problem. It’s time I come clean, it’s time I get this out in the open. Hi. My name is Matt, and I’ve been having a food affair. Continue reading “FOOD AFFAIR”
THE OFFICE
I started to wonder what my life would be like if I had my current schedule, but was working in an office? What if Ellie was my client and my boss. I figured one major difference would be the morning routine. For most people, for most jobs, you wake up to an alarm clock. Usually, you would take a shower and start getting ready for the day. You’d probably have some breakfast, maybe some tea or coffee. In the car on the way to work you would probably listen to morning talk radio, the news, or just some jamming tunes. Once you are at work, you would log into the computer and maybe even grab another cup of coffee. All of these activities fall into the “waking up” category. I don’t get to have this. My alarm clock is either crying, or the sound of Ellie pounding on her crib waiting for a fresh diaper. “I’ve got yesterday’s meatloaf in here! Let’s get this cleaned up chief!” Continue reading “THE OFFICE”