It’s funny how sometimes no matter what you plan, or how much you prepare, somethings are just out of your control. Â During our pregnancy I had so much time to fantasize about my new life with our baby. Â I had almost a year to build up this image of how I saw myself as a parent and what my relationship with our kid will be like. Â Since I had no experience with newborns or any babies at all, all of my visions were of Ellie as a toddler or older. Â I envisioned us sitting on the couch listening to Led Zeppelin or the Beatles together. Â Me telling her stories about why I liked those songs or what made them so great, and her just looking at me quietly. Â I pictured the typical Kodak moment of playing in the leaves during the fall, or her holding my hand while I wandered the aisles of Home Depot. Â I also pictured the stereotypical scene of coming home from work. Â In my mind I’d bust through the door with a big smile on my face and my arms wide open, and Ellie would squeal in excitement, “Dad’s home!” and then she’d run and give me a big hug. Â But newborn babies don’t do much except lay there, cry, and poop. Â And as you are adjusting to that and realigning the images in your head, life throws you a curve ball. Continue reading “DADA?”
CAN I HAVE SOME CHEESE WITH THAT?
You ever just feel like whining? Well I do, and I’m going to. I think I’m reaching a wall. Or a box. Or a cage? Maybe it’s a postpartum winter baby blues thing for men. I don’t know. Wake up, change a poopy diaper, eat, feed, change a poopy diaper, play, read, repeat, repeat… repeat again… and again… and a g a i n… a n d  A G A I N….
I care, but I don’t care. As long as she’s not flipping out it’s ok. That’s my goal. If she’s not whining and pulling at my pant leg, then that’s all I care about. I discovered she likes to sit and watch Glee. She’ll sit there, still and quiet, and watch. I can leave the room, make a noise, it doesn’t matter. She’ll just sit there. And I let her. We don’t have cable or access to regular TV because we didn’t want to be sucked in to watching too much TV. And we especially didn’t want to be in the habit of having the TV on all the time with Ellie around. But we have a DVD player and a Netflix ready TV, which is like a poor man’s cable. And now that she loves Glee, I found my shortcut. I feel extremely guilty when I let her sit there, but then again, part of me doesn’t care. Oh, it’s over? Let’s sit and watch it again while both our eyes glaze over. Continue reading “CAN I HAVE SOME CHEESE WITH THAT?”
POLISH NEW YEAR
With Ellie’s birthday excitement over, it’s back to the grind. The same old routine. Wake up, change diapers, feed, eat, pray for a nap, feed, change diapers, feed, cook, wash dishes, repeat. Ugh. January isn’t even over yet and I’m already sick of winter. I’m sick of the winter routine. I’m sick of being cooped up inside. I’m sick of being cold all the time. I’m sick of walking indoors. I’m sick of wrestling Ellie to get her winter hat on that she just takes off ten minutes later in the car. I’m sick of feeling lonely and bored. When it snows, I stare out the window and hear the song All By Myself playing in my head. Continue reading “POLISH NEW YEAR”
LOOKING INTO 2011…
It’s a New Year and that brings for me, a new site with a new look. I now own and operate my very own website domain. Welcome to my page! Please bear with me as I’m still finalizing the layout and getting used to the new set-up and format. A special thanks to my friends who have been helping me with the graphics and technical aspects of the site.
With the New Year here and my new site up and running, I’m very excited for this. Ellie and I are still getting over our colds, but we’re ready to do this. Well, kinda… Actually I’m a little nervous, too. As Monday approaches and Aya goes back to work I’ll be home alone again. Alone to reestablish my own routine, and spend some good quality time with Ellie, but also alone with a sick walking baby that hasn’t been napping all week. However, she is the happiest, giggliest kid who has been chatting and saying words. “Hi… Hi…” (while waving) or “Eyes… Eyes…” (as she points at my eyes) So tomorrow I’m going to do a preemptive grocery shopping and get my menu and my week in order, because come Monday, we’re back in the groove. I have a lot on the agenda for this year so I need a good start.
Just a few things I’m looking forward to in 2011:
- Ellie’s one year birthday is just weeks away! We aren’tplanning a big event, but needless to say, it’s an exciting milestone.
- Library time starts again this month. It is divided between “walkers” and “crawlers.” Ellie has graduated to the “walkers” group so there should be new faces, and new folks!
- More mallwalking with good friends to get us through the winter months.
- Since we are members at the Detroit Institute of Arts, visiting the museum will become part of our normal rotation.
- We are going to visit Aya’s folks in Japan in April. Konnichiwa! The thought of the 12 hour plane ride with a baby and dealing with Ellie adjusting to jetlag makes me want to puke. But the thought of being back in Japan and trying new Kit-Kat flavors keeps the excitement level up.
- Although we are still deep into winter, before you know it it’ll be time for another season of river walks and porch sittin’.
- And lots of family time of reading books, taking walks, packing picnics, and all that other stuff…
Although I am greatly anticipating all the new exciting moments that await me in 2011, I am also very thankful for all of the opportunities, learning, and growth that I’ve experienced throughout all of 2010. Starting with the birth of my daughter, to her first steps, and now her first words, and everything in between… wow, what a year.
NEW YEAR’S EVE: 2010
I was hoping to write something special today. Something reflecting on the whole year and something positive in anticipation of 2011. But I’ve been sick all week, since Christmas Day. Every night I go to bed hoping I’ll wake up feeling better the next day, but in actuality I wake up feeling worse than I did the night before. Aya is still recovering from her cold and Ellie now has a cold, too. I had big plans to start the New Year fresh, a new beginning with a new attitude and a fresh mind-set. But when you can’t breathe out of your nose and have a fever that won’t go away, it’s hard to stay positive.
I feel bad for Aya. She was off of work all week and it was supposed to be a nice week of family time and a nice break for the both of us. We’d go to the museum as a family, she’d get some alone time to do whatever she wanted to do, and I’d get a break from changing diapers and feeding Ellie. I got a break alright, but it’s hard to enjoy it when my head is pounding and my nose is so raw and red that I could be mistaken for W.C. Fields. As for Aya, she hasn’t had a break at all taking care of both Ellie and me while she’s still recovering from being sick herself. Here it is New Year’s Eve already. It feels like spring outside, I have a headache, a stuffed up nose, and all I want to do is go to bed. How lame is that. And I’m not even hungry! But tomorrow, for sure, I will wake up feeling better. I know I will. I have to. I’m running out of symptoms to add to the pile. And I’m not sure I can handle being hunched over the sink doing the NetiPot anymore. Which, by the way, should have the name changed to the SnottyPot. I’m not sure if it cleared anything up or just moved stuff around. I was amazed that even after the amount of “debris” that came out of my nose, I still couldn’t breathe.
Tomorrow will be my fresh start, my positive mind-set. Ellie is going to spend New Year’s Day with Grandma and Gramps so Aya can get her break, and I can recuperate. I’m not gonna let a little cold damper the beginning of my New Year.
So, as I raise my mug of tea with honey and lemon, I wish myself, and all of you, a Happy and Healthy New Year!