I can see that you’re making yourself more and more comfortable in mama’s belly because you’re making it rounder and bigger! Â I like looking down and seeing you. Â I felt you flutter around a couple weeks ago, but haven’t felt you dance since. Â But you’re mama and papa’s baby so I know you’re dancing in there! Â I hope you like dancing in mama’s belly, and I hope you’re cozy.
This week we were able to share the news of our pregnancy with more than our close group of friends and family, and if felt so good! Â The well wishes and love we received made us feel all warm and fuzzy, and tripled our joy and excitement.
I know it sounds silly, but having to keep the pregnancy a “secret” and not being able to openly share the joy and excitement made it feel almost fake. Â Sure, I peed on some sticks that said I was pregnant. Â But I was barely showing, and although I felt nauseous at times, other than that, there was no other indication that screamed I AM PREGNANT! Â We haven’t had an ultra sound yet, and at our last prenatal appointment we weren’t able to hear the heartbeat either. Â I would drive Matt nuts because I would just blurt out “What if I’m not really pregnant and I’m making it up? Â You hear about those stories!” Â Grumble, grumble…
“AYA, you are pregnant!” he would yell back.
So being able to share the news made it all the more real.
It’s been a little more difficult to connect with this pregnancy than with Ellie’s too. Â When I was pregnant with Ellie, everything was new so each little milestone felt magnified. Â But this time around with a toddler who keeps us busy and distracted, sometimes I would even forget that I’m pregnant. Â I would even wish that my belly would get bigger quick just so I had a “visual aid” of my pregnancy!
But I also know that emotionally, I am in a completely different place than I was with Ellie’s pregnancy. Â The biggest difference between this pregnancy and with Ellie is the absence of fear. Â I am not scared at all. Â I was terrified of the unknown when I was pregnant with Ellie. But since experiencing her birth, that fear has been replaced with confidence in my body, and trust in The Process. Â So although the absence of fear has been welcoming, the calmness that I am feeling cheats me into forgetting about the pregnancy entirely at times.
I am excited though. Â I am excited and happy to be pregnant, I look forward to experiencing the changes my body is going to go through, I am excited to have this pregnancy bring Matt and I even closer, and most of all, I’m ecstatic to be able to share this experience with Ellie in my life.